Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Randomize
