Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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