We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
