all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
