We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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