he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
