shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize