Got a toothbrush?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
