i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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