East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
