whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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