He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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