So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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