I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize