just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
