You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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