I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
