I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
