if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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