About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i was born a porn star she said
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
