next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
