he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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