He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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