i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize