Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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