She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
