see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
