No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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