so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
