I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
