It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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