Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
