And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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