Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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