to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
