Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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