happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
