its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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