What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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