you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
