Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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