How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
