Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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