why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
