We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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