I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
