I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I cut my penus on the lid.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
