Im at strip club and am horny
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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