i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize