and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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