i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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