I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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