How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
