If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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