My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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