$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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