i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
