when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
