uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
