people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
