Life is so much better after having sex.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
