I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
