Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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