Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
