literally had 100 drinks last night.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
