i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
