the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
