I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
